Game Plan

Luckily, we are home for all of March except for one little minor trip to the far east side of Russia neighboring Japan.

8 hour plane flight to be exact to play a volleyball match in Khabarovsk, turn around, and head back to Moscow.

I think I am going to say nuh uh to this recipe for misery, dehydration, little sleep, and back pain due to little leg room (our coaches and doctors get the exit rows) until I get my money.  

I must admit, I will be slightly bummed out because I truly love plane food.

You would think that spiraling out of control would slowly tapper off to maybe a trickle out of control.

Boy was I wrong.

It feels as if my spiraling has gone from a dust storm to a hurricane.  I can't find the motivation to blog, let alone get out of bed in the morning.  I am eating to make myself happy and I am reminded about my emotional eating with daily jokes from my team and my coach regarding my increase in size.  I have zero friends here to spend time with.  I have emotionally turned myself off and haven't responded to a single email within the past 3 months (sorry to everyone who has tried to reach out).  And to make things even better, my team is in last place, I haven't gotten paid since November, and I think it's safe to say i'm not having the most incredible season.

This post is not at all an attempt to get sympathy comments (I would prefer you don't leave any) or have people try to cheer me up.  This is more of an attempt at some self therapy and trying to cope with my situation.  I would have gladly been blogging about my experience from the beginning, but due to previous posts upsetting my co workers, it has resulted in me holding everything inside and self sabotaging my happiness and sanity.

My problems have taken over my life so much so that my marriage has gone to shit and my best friend hasn't talked to me in two weeks.  I have zero patience to have a conversation and often times it results in me screaming at the participating party.  Tears come far too easily and human interaction has become more of a chore than a desired free time activity.

I can't even remember what my laugh sounds like.

It's Warming Up!

Tonight Feb 4

Sat 5

Sun 6

Mon 7

Tue 8

Cloudy	Snow Shower	Snow Shower	AM Snow Showers	Snow Shower
N/A	35°	30°	22°	35°
High	High	High	High	High
30°	26°	20°	17°	17°
Low	Low	Low	Low	Low
Chance of Precip: 20%	Chance of Snow: 60%	Chance of Snow: 50%	Chance of Snow: 30%	Chance of Snow: 60%

It's almost bathing suit weather!!!

Gotta get this beach bod ready for teeny weeny bikinis and flippy floppys.

181.4

Lunch! Nom Nom Nom!

"F*&$ THIS and F*@$ YOU!"...

....came mumbling out of my mouth this morning when viewing the incredibly high number staring back at me from the little glass window on my scale.  And trust me, that dumb piece of modern technology that is more of a torture contraption than a helpful device almost saw it's last day and read it's last pound this morning.

After realizing that it's only partially my scale's fault for being accurate and honest, I decided to spare it from total domination.  However, I have decided that sometimes my scale should take some advice from men and instead of giving you proof that your ass does look fat in those jeans, to just read "error."

So today was my panic day.  Don't start gossiping and thinking that I am going anorexic but I really just want the scale to read a weight that doesn't make me lose my breath tomorrow when I see it.

Day #1
(really trying to embrace the European time format)

Let's play I spy....
Who can find the problem?
I think it's clear that I consumer 99% of my calories between 17.00 and 22.00.
I should probably work on that.

Au Revoir

I sat here in a past life.
Princess Morgan
That has a nice ring to it

Here are to some of the best memories ever created with family.  

My mother and I had such an incredibly fantastic time together.  Not only did we work through the problems and struggles of Russia, but we also managed to see three beautiful cities that hold centuries of fascinating history, play 87 games of backgammon, cook some delicious American food, and really enjoy the time we got to spend together (with no fighting!).

I am so sad she had to leave but I am so thankful that she arrived safely back in America.  I was terrified of letting her get on that plane after the recent bombings in Moscow.

But I think it is pretty much safe to say that I have one of the best moms in the world (if not the best).  She has flown around the world to my rescue countless times and without fail, whether I am in Turkey, New York, Israel or the Antarctic, she has found a way to turn all my problems into positives and make that light at the end of the tunnel reappear.

WHAT A GAL!

So with a clear head, a full fridge, and some seriously need will power...

I am facing day #1 of turning this experience into something special

and dropping some weight.

I eat because I'm sad and I'm sad because I eat but I think when I post my before pictures of the journey I am about to embark on, I will scare/disgust myself into sticking to this.  I really honestly can't believe I am going to make this challenge public because it's humiliating but I view it as character building and motivation to endure as little shame as possible.

So wish me luck and send some ideas my way on how to make some time pass.

Get as creative as possible.